nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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