Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
