i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
