U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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