I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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