we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
