i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
