I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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