Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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