i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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