Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
