I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
