Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
