I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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