Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
