You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize