I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
