the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize