u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
