I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
