I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
