eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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