Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
