i'm lost and i look like a hooker
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
