JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
