I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
