It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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