I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
