I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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