she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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