well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
