used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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