i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
