i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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