Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
