I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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