I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
