At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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