standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
