bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize