I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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