nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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