Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
