Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
