So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
