if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
