I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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