im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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