Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
