is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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