There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
