Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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