apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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