Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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