how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
