Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
