HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
