I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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