So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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