Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
