those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
