There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
