when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
