Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
