Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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