come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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