are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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