Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
