I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
