I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
