The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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