I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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