Farmville is her only friend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
