So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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