Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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