I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
