Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
