I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Alive.
So much puke
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
