So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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