Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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