"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
