i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
