I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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