garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
