I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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