i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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