The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
