someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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