Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
