she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
