Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize