Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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