If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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