its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
