So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
