My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
