I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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