wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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