i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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