Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
