you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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