It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
two words...techno handjob
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize