She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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