I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
