Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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