he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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