i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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