Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
