I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
