if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
